Settling In

Stopped by work and unloaded the last of my boxes.  It turned out okay.  I don't have as much room for files on top of my desk so there's a bookcase I am using as my "in" box and staging area.  I will only put a little on the desk at a time.

All that work waiting for me!

Move Underway

Well, the move happened at work.  The movers were due at 12:30 on Friday and didn't show up until 4 hours later. At one point, they were MIA.  Their company did not even know where they were.  The space is smaller (as we expected it to be), and at the moment it's a disaster.  I am considering going in today to try to unpack a few things. 

Old desk on 5th floor

New desk on 11th floor

New desk

The move was a little stressful.  We left a nice area surrounded by nice people, and that was hard on all of us. We are now all together as a department, but it's a small space.  Trying to find ways to utilize it and still feel like we are efficiently getting our work done will be a challenge.

Space under construction

Space completed

Joy

Here’s hoping everyone has a day and a week just crammed with joy.  That’s what it said on Alex’s package of Chips Ahoy cookies this morning.  I thought it was cute enough to share. It made me smile.

Maybe I should eat more of these. It might help cheer my pessimism.  The Chocolate Chip Cookie diet ... Oh, wait, I’m trying to eat healthier.  Vicious cycle, isn’t it? I could eat the cookies and smile because I'm "crammed with joy", or I skip the cookies and feel grumpy and blue (an "Eeyore").

I just checked the package again.  I don't see a Trademark Registration symbol next to "Crammed with Joy".  Maybe any chocolate chip cookie - not just this brand - will make you feel this way.  Maybe I should test that theory out more. Mmmmmmmm. 

One of the Boys

OK, it’s time to stop eating like “one of the boys”.  Since Eric went out on the road full-time, Matt has taken over cooking dinner (a job his Dad used to do).  I can’t complain because it is one less thing for me to do.  Between work and homework and housework, my schedule is pretty full as it is.

If I am honest, too, when Eric was cooking it was pretty heavy fare.  He likes to use oils, cheeses, spices and sauces when he cooks. He didn’t care for cooking with just pan spray. He didn’t bake items very often either. He was great at grilling – a task neither Matt nor I have mastered. When I was successful at losing weight, I fixed my own vegetable dishes.  Guys don’t usually steam broccoli.  It just isn’t something that occurs to them – unless they are a chef or a gourmet cook.  Mine are neither.

There also is the whole gluten free issue at my house. If I eat what Matt makes, it is all gluten-free. His palate is not very broad either.  His fruit likes are apples and bananas.  His vegetable likes are corn and potatoes.  Dinner is usually a baked meat (chicken or pork) and a starch (French fries, mashed or instant potatoes, risotto). He does make gluten free pizza and gluten free mac and cheese for himself.  I don’t care for the taste of either one of those.  We have the cross-contamination worry, too.  I got scolded because my oatmeal doesn’t say “gluten free”, and I microwaved it right before Matt microwaved his gluten free donut for the morning.  It makes it hard sometimes to cook and eat what’s good for me. 

I miss WeightWatchers meetings where everyone shared food ideas.  I stopped attending meetings about a year and a half ago. I couldn't afford it, and I wasn't serious enough about it. WeightWatchers would, of course, sell their products at the meetings.  They’d have various snack items – bars, cookies, popcorn, etc. on sale that were low in fat and low in Point values.  The various members would chime in about similar such items they had found in Wegmans or Tops.  There were always suggestions for new things or recipes to try. Attending meetings was a good way to find ideas and get support from others.  I tried to do just their online membership, but if you aren’t going to take it seriously, it is a waste of money.

I belong to myfitnesspal online which is similar to WeightWatchers in terms of electronic tracking of meals, exercise and weight.  It’s not quite the same, though.  You don’t have that weekly public weigh-in to motivate you.  You don’t have the sense of community and group support either.  You lose that “big brother is watching you” thing, and you feel like no one cares one way or the other if you log in and post or not. 

Losing weight is not all physical.  You also have to have the right mental frame of mind and commitment to be successful.  You have to want it.  In my case, I have to approach weight loss as a lifestyle change and not just a diet.  I need to stop eating like “one of the boys” and get back to what I know I should be doing.  It’s time to stop making excuses and taking the easy way out. As someone at work told me, stop blogging and go get on the treadmill.

By the way, I rode the bike for 27 minutes and managed 2 minutes on my awful (permanently inclined and non-electric) treadmill today.  Not bad for a start.

SOURCES: http://www.luckyssteakhouse.com/dinnermenu.htm  

http://www.arrowheadpride.com/2011/2/14/1992671/chiefs-expected-to-bring-back-meat-and-potatoes-offense

http://www.thinspiration.com/EurekaReporter/

http://jlene.com/wealth/tips-on-how-to-sponsor-3-people-in-a-week-in-your-network-marketing-business/

McD's

While waiting at McDonald’s drive-through last evening, I noticed a couple sitting and eating in one of the booths next to the window. It was an older man (50+) with white hair and a woman I assumed was his wife (she was an older redhead). 

My first thought was, “woo-hoo, some date night – dinner at McDonald’s”.  I was prepared to mentally mock these two as they ate their burgers and fries.  It’s probably partly because my Sociology class has been heartily trouncing McDonald’s (and Wal-Mart) and the “McDonaldization” of our society. If you want to read more about McDonaldization, here’s a link - http://www.mcdonaldization.com/whatisit.shtml. It’s interesting that my first inclination was to poke fun and assume they were trashy because they were grabbing a quick burger and fries.

I watched this couple for a moment, and I wondered about who they were and what they were discussing.  And, yes, they were “discussing”.  I watched them actually having a conversation with each other instead of busily tapping away at their smartphones. Too often these days you see people out for a meal, and they are busily ignoring each other as they focus on their phones.  (Yes, I have done this.)  There’s always one more thing to check, one more thing to update and one more photo to snap and post.  Technology becomes more important than loved ones.

As I watched the man and woman eating, it suddenly dawned on me what I was feeling.  Envy.  I felt envy.  I saw a couple who was able to sit down together to a meal during the week.  They were lucky to have each other. They were together, and they didn’t have kids or grandkids with them.  They were both in the same city and able to enjoy each other’s company. Yes, I was envious as I sat in my car alone waiting to order McNuggets to take home to Alex.

I spend my weekdays as a single gal, and I don’t particularly care for it. It’s been a big adjustment, and there’s probably years’ more of it ahead of me.  I’ve resigned myself to that, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it. I miss you, honey.

SOURCES:  http://www.imageenvision.com/cliparts/eating

http://www.mcdonaldization.com/whatisit.shtml

http://www.imageenvision.com/cliparts/cellphone

http://foodbeast.com/content/2009/05/14/craving-chicken-mcnuggets/

http://orlandograce.org/2012/03/a-truth-for-fighting-promise-envy/

Willpower

I used to have willpower.  I know I did.  I’m just finding it really hard to find these days.  “Willpower may refer to self-discipline, training and control of oneself and one's conduct, usually for personal improvement.” I’d love to find my willpower and put it to use in terms of fitness and weight loss.

Perhaps it’s just lack of time.  It could be lack of interest.  It could also be lack of condition.  It could also be arthritis.  It is so hard to push myself to exercise. When I exercise I feel muscles getting stronger.  I also feel sore, but it’s not that “good” sore that tells you you’ve done a good thing by stretching and moving things.  It’s that awful “-itis” sore that comes with arthritis and tendonitis. Things hurt a lot quicker now than they used to.

I am afraid that I am finally “old”.  For years, I have said, “I am so old”.  I have a video from a home Daycare provider.  It shows Matt when he was around 4.  He is decorating Christmas cookies, and he says, “Donna, (the daycare lady was also named “Donna”) guess what?  My Mommy is OLD.”  He had heard me say it so many times.  At that time I was 35.

I used to be able to lose weight easier.  Perhaps it’s the stress.  I am a big stress eater.  I eat when I am bored, when I am nervous, when I am upset.  Some of it comes from growing up and hearing, “Put a little something in your stomach; you’ll feel better.” I was a nervous kid with a nervous stomach.  The doctor told my Mom I was “high strung”.  According to the freedictionary.com, that means “tending to be very nervous and easily excited.” I can remember my Mom giving me a spoonful of Donnagel every morning.  I hated that stuff.  I remember her telling me it was “my” medicine – it was even named after me.  I don’t think you can get it any more without a prescription. It was used to treat diarrhea (or IBS). Sometimes when my stomach feels bad, it does feel better when I “put something in it”.  Eating things that are good for me (fruits and vegetables) sometimes make it feel a lot worse so that is a balancing act, too.

I did WeightWatchers through an At Work group 20 years ago, and I lost 65 pounds. It was back when WW had their Selection Plan.  You were “allowed” (according to their version of the Food Pyramid) so many selections of dairy, fruits, vegetables, starch, sugar, oil and protein.  You had checkboxes to tick off what you had eaten, and you could easily see what you had left for the day.  If you got hungry, you checked the tracker and if you only had fruit left, you ate fruit.  Another key part of that plan was the portion sizes. You weighed and measured everything, and you were only allowed so much of each selection.  It was an ideal plan for me because I am over-organized.  It was structured, and it was precise.  The Points Plan (or Points Plus) they have now does not work for me.  You are allowed to eat anything you want – you just have to count the points.  When you reach your total allowed points for the day, you are done eating.  That type of “freedom” is too much for me.  I cheat all the time on that type of plan.  I have tried it over and over and over again.  There is also the “buddy” component of the WW plan.  I was successful in the past because we were all doing it together.  It makes it so much easier to lose weight when you have others around you doing the same thing.

I also did the Atkins diet 13 years ago.  I lost 40 pounds eating mostly protein.  I got so sick of meat and cheese and eggs.  I felt like I was drowning in grease all the time.   To this day some of the traditional breakfast meals – bacon, eggs, etc. can nauseate me because they bring back that “Atkins” feeling.  My doctor suggested I not go that route again.  I don’t think I would be inclined to – it’s not natural to totally eliminate something from your diet.  It makes you want it all the more.

I believe if I could manage eat in moderation (better portion sizes), move a little more (to keep arthritic joints moving better), and make better choices (more healthy foods and less junk/sugar), I could be successful again at losing some weight. I can’t turn back the clock. I’d love to be in my 30’s again when I thought I was so “old”.  I had it good back then and didn’t know it. Then again, I like “me” a lot better now than I did 20 years ago.  I am more relaxed and a lot happier about where I am in life.

Maybe I should blog about losing weight – it’s a thought.  I am on the My Fitness Pal website.  I tried blogging there, but I don’t really “know” most of the people who are on my friends list.  They are just folks I’ve met online. It’s not the same, and there’s usually not much in the way of feedback when I do post things on that site.

So I am still looking for my willpower.  Maybe I will find it when we pack up and move at work.  I have less space to occupy in our new set-up – maybe I should work on “less” of me, too.

SOURCES:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Willpower

http://malibuintegrativehealth.com/blog/2012/06/willpower-affects-your-finances

http://www.imageenvision.com/cliparts/exercise-pg2

http://www.imageenvision.com/cliparts/old

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/high-strung

http://www.ozpharmacyonline.com.au/index.php?cPath=55

http://www.grocerycouponnetwork.com/community/weight-watchers-coupons-frozen-treat-and-ice-cream-coupons/

http://www.galloinstitute.org/should-you-switch-to-atkins-diet-if-you-are-suffering-from-fatty-liver-disease/

http://www.imageenvision.com/cliparts/diet

Pollyanna

Tomorrow will be a better day. 

It reminds me of the line from Gone with the Wind - "I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow." When Scarlett said it, she meant that she would not dwell on the negatives and the challenges she was facing.  She'd put them off and consider them at another time and just focus on she needed to do in the present.

Some people are just born with an optimistic outlook.  My Mother always claimed she was a "Pollyanna".  "This unconscious bias towards the positive is often described as the Pollyanna principle. The concept as described by Matlin and Stang in 1978 used the archetype of Pollyanna, a young girl with infectious optimism." It's funny - I never saw her that way.  Maybe it was because she was so quiet – even around us who knew her and loved her the best - she was not real loud and boisterous. That wasn't her.  She was just quiet.

I've never thought of myself as positive or optimistic.  I (like my Dad was) am a pessimist.  My Dad was a worrier, and he lost his patience easily. If there was something to fret over, he'd do it.  On family vacations, my Mom would pick a destination and have a pretty good idea where we were going.  He'd get nervous if we didn't get there in five minutes, and the trip seemed long or overly adventurous.  We got so used to him saying, "Where are we going?  We're going to drive, drive, drive and never get there."  He was not a good traveler.  I get that from him, too.

Espero que tengas un buen día. (Spanish - I hope you have a good day).

Bonne journée. (French – Have a nice day).

Buona giornata! (Italian – Have a good day!)

I never let my sons leave the house without saying, "Have a good day.  I love you."  Although I, too, am not usually optimistic (I am more of a pessimist and a worrier), I figure it doesn't hurt to start everyone off with a smile and a verbal hug. It can't hurt.

I am a believer in turning things around when you do have a bad day.  If you resolve within yourself that tomorrow will be better and face the day with fresh enthusiasm, it usually will turn out to be true.  I believe that life (like anything else) is what you make of it, and there's not a lot you can do about some things.  If you expect bad, you usually get bad. If you look for good, you will get good.  Wow.  Maybe I have some "Pollyanna" in me after all!

SOURCES:  http://www.allposters.com/-sp/Cheer-Up-Better-Days-are-Coming-Posters_i8426885_.htm
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0031381/quotes

http://www.minimodelfilmstuff.co.uk/film-collectable/gone-with-the-wind-scarlett-ohara-christmas-dinner-with-ashley-vinyl-portrait-doll-franklin-mint-b11f565

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pollyanna_principle
http://www.maniacworld.com/three-bird-smiley-face.html

http://www.tonnercollectibles.com/pollyanna.htm

http://www.spanishdict.com/translate/good%20day
http://smileys.on-my-web.com/categorie12-MSN+Emoticons.html

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Goodmorning_and_have_a_nice_day_in_french
http://www.wordans.us/smiley+face+designs

http://en.bab.la/dictionary/english-italian/have-a-good-day
http://www.3decals.com/popup_image.php?pID=179&osCsid=1018f71360b0c642d7e1f684e68fc255

http://www.desiglitters.com/glitters/good-day/page/6/

Mommy

Why is it when we don't feel well we always yearn for a Mother's touch?  Mom was the one who took care of you, soothed the hurt and made you feel better.  There is nothing like a Mother's love and a Mother's touch.

I did not feel well last evening, and all I could think was "I want my Mommy".  I miss her so much sometimes.  I know realistically that if she were still alive, I would not be snuggling up beside her while she rubbed my stomach.  I am too old for that now.

I remember her cool touch.  She wore Faberge Tigress perfume when I was little.  I remember that smell, too.  Her chair in our livingroom had big wide arm rests on it - just big enough for a little girl to curl up on so she could snuggle against her Mommy.  I had a lot of tummy trouble (nervous stomach, IBS) when I was little.  I still suffer occasional bouts.  Mom would hold me and rub my tummy until I felt better.

I remember this perfume bottle/holder 

Every Christmas Dad bought her more Tigress

I missed her touch last evening when my stomach acted up.  I haven't felt my Mother's touch in 7 years, but I haven't forgotten my Mother's love.  There are many quotes about a mother's love.  Here are some:

Mother is the bank where we deposit all our hurts and worries.

- unknown

Who ran to help me when I fell,

Or kissed the place to make it well?

....My mother. 

- Ann Taylor 

Life began with waking up and loving my mother's face 

- George Eliot, English novelist

I know I will see my Mom again some day. That type of love could never die.

SOURCES:  http://techinfolite.com/2012/05/mothers-day-top-10-tech-gifts-for-your-mother/

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Vintage-Faberge-Tigress-Cologne-Splash-3-5-fl-oz-New-box-/360469392703

http://www.etsy.com/listing/69035608/50-off-sale-vintage-faberge-tigress

http://iwant.on.ca/Purple/AMothersLove.html

Irony

It’s probably none of my business, but I wanted to say that I find dead trees a little anti-environmental and not really a good symbol for an “Ecofest” event. They are not eco-friendly.

Greentopia/Ecofest is called “a celebration of all things green”.  It started out as a good idea.  They used the old First National Bank building at 35 State Street. I walk by there every day on my way into and out of work. That space has been empty for quite some time, and I was surprised to see something going on there. They were turning it into the Greentopia/Film Festival Forest Cinema.

First they delivered the “forest” – a stack of wrapped and bound Christmas trees.  Then there were the cinder blocks.  I walked by one evening and heard them planning to make it all look like a forest of trees. The next morning it smelled like a pine forest (or a Christmas tree farm). They took all the cut-down trees and stuck them into the holes in the cinder blocks to make them stand up. They didn't even put them in water like you do with a Christmas tree.

Compare below the artist’s rendering on their website of what it was supposed to look like, and the photos that I took through the lunchroom window at work of how it came out.  It’s not quite the same. They took the dead trees in their cinder block holders and put them in between the columns of the bank building's facade. Trust me - they smell much better than they look. It looks kind-of pathetic from my photos. It also looks as if the trees in the rendering are in pots or planters of some sort. It looks so pretty and clean in the rendering.

I could buy into celebrating all things green if those evergreen trees were still alive and in pots instead of cut down in their beautiful prime.  I am not an environmentalist, but I find it a little disturbing that they are touting ecology and environment, but they killed the trees. Did anyone even price it out to see if they could have used live trees? Perhaps a local nursery could have donated some potted trees.  Oh, wait, this is downtown Rochester.  Anything worth something likely would have been stolen.

It looks much grander in the rendering, doesn't it? I’m sure those evergreen trees would have been happier (certainly a lot less pathetic) if they’d been “recycled” (planted) in a park or someone’s yard after the event.  Not much of a celebration for those green things, is it?

SOURCES:

http://greentopiafestival.com/ecofest

http://www.facebook.com/greentopiafest

http://www.greentopiafestival.com/film/#5

Sleep

“When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.”

Steven Wright

US comedian and actor (1955 - )

How much sleep does the average person need?  Some need more than others. Some seem to get by with none.  Some nights it feels like you need more than you did the night before.  Most of us run through our days with a sleep deficit.  Hopefully we catch that up on weekends or when we can. I spend most of my days trying to cram in as much as possible.  There's usually one more thing that needs to be done, and I don't really know how to sit still and do nothing.  Once I sit down for the evening, I usually fall asleep in the chair.

My Dad always slept in the evenings in his recliner.  He’d have dinner, watch the news and then out he’d go.  He got up around 10:00 p.m., shaved, had bedtime snack (cake/pie and coffee), and then he went to bed.  He was usually up around 5:00 a.m. every morning.  He got ready early and then sat in the recliner and read a paperback novel while I got ready for school. When I was ready, he’d drive me to a girlfriend’s house and drop me off on his way to work.  The girlfriend’s Mom drove us to school an hour or so later.

I used to think my Dad had the weirdest schedule imaginable.  Why would anyone sleep, get up and get ready for bed, sleep, get up so early and then just sit around and read?  Sad to say, my schedule these days is almost identical to what his was.  I watch a little TV in the evenings once all chores and homework are done.  If I am tired enough, I fall asleep in the recliner (just like he did). I get up at some point, get ready for bed and go to bed.  I, too, get up at 5:00-something.  I try to do most of my chores in the morning (clean the bird cages, make lunches, scoop cat boxes, start laundry, sometimes exercise, and work on homework).  I very rarely sit and read a novel – I do chores instead. 

I have a reason for not wanting to go to bed most nights.  After 20-some years of sleeping with someone, I had to adjust to sleeping alone again most nights when Eric went out onto the road full-time.  He's only home 34 hours on the weekends so at most we get two nights together - it's usually only one.  When I was single, I’d sleep dead-center in the middle of a double bed.  Now even when Eric is not there, I still sleep on my side of the bed.  If the cats are behaving and getting along, some nights I am the cream in the middle of a cat sandwich. That only works if the cats are tolerating each other.  If they are not, I spend most of the night playing referee.

I have found that the older I get the more I appreciate uninterrupted sleep.  That is why God gives babies to younger women.  If I had to get up in the middle of the night to take care of a hungry baby, I'd probably give the bottle to the cat and shut the baby out in the hallway to keep it from waking me up again.

SOURCES:

http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/930.html
http://thecolonial.org/stevenwright.htm
http://www.imageenvision.com/cliparts/sleep
http://www.imageenvision.com/cliparts/baby-pg2

Reading

My Mother taught me to love reading.  She spent most of her free time with her nose in a book.  She went to the library at least once a week.  I spent a lot of time in libraries as a kid.  Mom always had stacks of books beside her chair.

One of her favorite libraries was the Town of Gates library.  It was fairly small, and it always seemed to have a lot of what she was looking for.  They had a lot of new books there, and she always went home with at least ten or more.  She was an avid reader, and she passed that love of books along to me.

It's interesting that when we looked at houses back in 1993, one of the areas we zeroed in on was Gates.  I had so many good memories of the library and visiting the town so often with my Mom that it seemed a logical place to look (and to settle).

Gates recently moved the library to a brand new location.  I wonder what my Mom would think of the new place.  I suspect she would not care for it.  She would say it was "too big" - the way she always complained about the larger Wegmans locations ("too much walking") and continued to shop at Bells or Big M.

My Dad was a printer.  He always came home with ink on his hands and the smell of ink on his work clothes.  Sometimes on the way home from work, we delivered what the small print shop he worked for had printed that day.  They did a lot of church bulletins, and we often dropped off cartons of printed materials at various churches along the way.  My brother also became a printer (much to Dad's dismay).  In doing the genealogy research, I found that my great Uncle Leo (Grandma Ford's brother) was also a printer. I guess it runs in the family.

Heidelberg press from the 1950s

My passion for books is an odd one.  I love what's written in them, but I also love how they feel and how they smell.  I have figured out that it's the ink on the page that reminds me of my father.  I collect books and have an embarrassing amount of them stacked around the house.  I have struggled to get used to e-books, but it's been difficult.  They just aren't the same for me. There is something lacking.

Reading takes me away from the problems in the world. A good book should be an escape and a joy to read.  When I am reading, I want to be taken to a different place and time, and I will read anything as long as it has a happy ending.  I don't enjoy books that make me cry or books that are disturbing in their nature. I have too much stress in my day-to-day, and there's too much sadness in the world already. I don't need to wallow in it.

"A good book is the best of friends,

the same to-day and for ever." - 

Martin Farquhar Tupper (1810-1889)

“All the best stories in the world are but one story in reality -- the story of escape. 

It is the only thing which interests us all and at all times, how to escape.”

 - Arthur Christopher Benson

SOURCE:  http://www.waymarking.com/waymarks/WMVM8_Town_of_Gates_Public_Library
http://nyrej.com/49042
http://siouxfallsbusinessjournal.argusleader.com/article/20110518/BJNEWS05/110517063/Brown-Saenger-adapts-122-years-change
http://www.bartleby.com/100/462.8.html
http://www.readfaster.com/readingquotes.asp