Reflections from a Middle-Aged Lady: Self Image

One's self esteem and body image are kind-of wrapped up together. If you have low self-esteem, you will most likely have a poor sense of self and a lousy body image. If you think negatively of yourself, you will have a hard time believing that you do look good.

When I did Weight Watchers the first time around, I lost a great deal of weight. I was down more than 60 pounds. In my mind, I still thought I was fat. Looking at pictures now, I see that I was skinny. Having a poor body image didn't allow me to see that I had done a great job and looked unbelievably good.

At my lowest weight - the
first time around

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance” – Oscar Wilde

I also listened to people at the time who meant well but told me I was “too thin” and that it was okay to “eat” now. Conversely, I listened to the Weight Watchers leader I had at the time who told me I had to lose even more to reach goal weight. Since I was still 10 pounds away from goal and I felt it was not doable, I chose to give up and listened to those who said I should “eat”. I ate. Back came the weight. What I should have done was to ask my Doctor to set a goal weight that was a little higher than what the charts said. I don't know if I could have maintained the loss, but if I had felt the pride of accomplishment in reaching goal weight, I might have tried harder.

After my weight went up, I tried the Atkins diet for awhile. I lost weight then, too - around 40 pounds.

I lost weight on the Atkins Diet, too.

After doing Atkins, I regained the weight when I went back to eating regular food. Atkins was too restrictive for me. I got so tired of meat, cheese and eggs. I missed my bread and pasta (and the baked goods!).

My "Before" picture - this time around

This time around I am taking the weight loss one day at a time. It's never easy. I am trying to move in some way, shape or form for at least 30 minutes every day. It doesn't have to be a sweat-drenched workout – my arthritic knees wouldn't allow that anyhow. I wear a pedometer all day long every day, and I have been averaging 3 miles per day. I am happy with that for now.

It takes a long time to change what you see in the mirror. I think it takes even longer to change that picture of yourself that you carry in your mind. I am always surprised by what I see in the mirror. As I stated before, I still thought I was the fat girl when I was actually at a healthy weight. I look at those photos now, and I wish I still looked that good.

The first time around

I have lost 12-1/2 pounds so far – at a slow, steady pace. I am starting to feel better and feel better about myself. Weight comes off so slowly. I saw a recent picture of myself at a work function, and I realized I don't look as good as I thought I did! I felt discouraged for a day, but now I know I will continue to work on my weight, my health and that picture of myself in my head. I am worth it, and I want to look as unbelievably good as I did the first time around.